Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
