If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
