Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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