I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
