Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
