one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
