Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
