God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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