i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
