i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
