dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
