Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
