This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
