end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
