i permit you to call me
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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