I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
