Already got asked if we're dating
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
