If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
God gave him joint rollers for hands
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
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