Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
