is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
she peed on how many people?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
