eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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