I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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