Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
