New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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