i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
