Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
