You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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