You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
