no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
