he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
