I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
