even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
