Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
