I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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