How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
