So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
