My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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