I love black thongs
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
