oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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