I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
