girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
