Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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