some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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