Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
