He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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