failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
