I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
