I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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