hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
