My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
